Smilologia
The Smilologia is the name given to a collection of primarily ancient smilan historical documents describing the history and culture of the smilan races. Though authorship had historically been attributed to Miliogue Samil, who signed his name on many of the original documents, modern scholars now believe that Samil was primarily a compiler of older texts. It is also known that scribes subsequent to Samil added to, redacted, and reworked extant passages of the Smilologia. Content The Smilologia begins with a history of the origins of the smilans, believed to be a latter-day addendum, before going into detail regarding the smilan mythological creation story. From there the Smilologia details early conflicts, the establishment of the throne of Smixion, and offers a line of kings and detailed accounts of smilean conflicts. Context The information in the Smilologia must be taken with a grain of salt. History is written by the victors, as they say, and moreover, much of the fantastical nature of the work precludes a literal reading. However, it is invaluable as the oldest and most important extant smilan historical text. Provenance The oldest copy of the Smilologia known to exist on Supirion is called Text A, however it is in pretty bad shape. A second copy, known as Text B includes many sections missing from text A but is dated at least 100 years later, roughly in 1500. The next extant text available, Text C, comes from roughly 1600 and is the oldest complete copy of the text, though it is believed that much of the material therein is not original. From this point on, the content of the work is more or less systematized, although the Smuirlomema, a historical work beginning where the Smilologia leaves off, is often included with it, including with the copy that inexplicably found its way to earth, which was then translated from modern Smilan into Bone Rappang, and thence into English. All three original copies on earth are found in the library at Scott University. The Text The following is the complete extant text of a copy of the Smilologia which found its way to earth, where it was translated by an anonymous missionary in Indonesia The Smilologia of Miliogue Samil, translated from Superion Smoil Smilan into Bone Rappang Buginese by LarĢer arguer and from Bone Rappang Buginese into English by John I. Wayward ****: 10,000-''' Seven long days have passed since the universe was formed. Higgs bosons heavily blanket the fabric of reality which is still being propelled apart from itself at very near the speed of light. Many days and nights on the newly-condensing soft earth elapse peaceably while in the cosmos, Lucifer falls and his host of devils with him. They are pursued by a host of angels. When they meet in combat, the satanic host is beaten back and the host of angels returns heavenward in victory. Meanwhile, though, a small engagement, still locked in battle, has fared away from the main contingent and, consumed with the fray, falls to a small world and are all rendered unconscious in the fall. On waking, they are disoriented and can’t think straight. They at first are consumed with trying to remember, but the perceived necessity of survival on an alien world prepossess them. After a time of wandering, they learn to forage, and, relying on their frazzled wits, they eventually set up a small community where they live as harmoniously as lemmings, and they forget altogether that they had forgotten everything. They look forward only, and not back. 'II. Complacency of Devolution - ' A. angels/demons get stupid many lose power of flight/teleportation; many of those who do not wander off into space and die. So the celestial beings were jarred in their fall, and have lost many of the **** of ****. Many fly without aim, heedless of their ****, as so many flies into the same wall over and over again. Only where there were not walls, the divine beings many wandered off into space, and there died. Some walked off cliffs, unaware that they could have flown, and not been dashed on the rocks at the bottom. Some began to recollect their places in the hierarchy of **** but were nonetheless trapped, the gates of heaven shut behind them ****. They are the ones who would become the shepherds. The others, who could not **** their minds, remained very stupid forever and diminished in size, and these became smileys. B. many come to other Smiley worlds and devolve there and interbreed with monsters to create many other smiley races 'III. The Nature of Smileys and Their World ' For those of you who don’t know, Smileys, also called Smilans, are a race of beings, descended from devolved, corrupted ****. They are given to genetic defect, and, in a single litter of between eight and twelve, between seven and eleven are usually still born, and the remaining one to four are often malformed in some way. However, because the spark of divinity is brighter in them than in some beings, for instance, the inhabitants of earth, they are endowed with a lifespan of several hundred years. More often than not, however, being hapless, weak, and very stupid, they usually do not live long enough to die naturally. They can be subdivided into different species, including smilans proper, egs, stiks, beenoes, flints, and bonbons. The second of those tend to be tall, thin, and dark in complexion, the third tall but fuller and greenish, the fourth like smilans, but larger and pointier, and the last squat, red, and fewer in appendages. The smileys themselves are yellowish, roundish, and generally hairlish-- er, hairless. The smilans, as you will shortly read, came to inhabit a small, dense, active planetoid called Supirion. In orbit of Supirion are three planetoid-moons. This first and largest of the three is called Tropion and is characterized by its profusion of oceans and waterways broken by circuitous peninsular land formations. It is the most sparsely inhabited of the group. The next, farthest in orbit from Supirion and also the smallest, is prizion. Little is known of it except that it is inhabited by a distasteful race of smilans called flints, and by a race of beings lacking cellular cohesion who assume as a kind of carapace the hollow crystals that pock the prizionian geology. The last planet, as you will shortly read, is evlion, the home to the egs, a race of stiks who very early came into conflict with the smilans. The distant spatial remove of their homeworld from Supirion ensures that contact with the smilans is rare, and has been marred by a history of misfortune that tries credibility in its coincidentality. Supirion itself is characterized by an abundance of surface water which separates entirely the four large landmasses on the planet: the largest continent, called Great Smiealand *, which itself contains three large seas: in the south, the Smilean Sea, and in the north, the Ismolisian and the Imsnawlon seas. East of Great Smiealand, three smaller continents, roughly in an equilateral triangular configuration, are, in the north-west, Gigslitlan, in the north-east, Okkslim, and in the south, Lalaland. These are separated by the Borladric Sea. Anyway, that’s enough of that for now. '''IV. The Dimmest Past The early smilans developed cults around primitive deities they created in honor of the central themes of their way of life: there was Blopping , a deity of rain, wind, and weather. He was kind of a cloud with lightning for hands. Also there, was Slemp, the deity of water, seas, and wet things. There was Bloompslom, the gourd deity, a main foodstuffs of the smilans, Blim, a deity of blood, Mert, a deity of dirt, and Smoog, a deity of bones and death, and lastly, Smingla, a deity of love and birth. To these deities, they established shrines in the forests and at seasonal festivals, the held Smiblegs, which were plays re-enacting the feats of their gods. Blim was regarded as the creator deity, and as he made his way through the primeval void, he separated so that his plasma became Slemp and his scabby leavings became Mert. Mert became the consort of Slemp, and their offspring was Blopping, Bloompslom, Smoog, and Smingla. And so, Mert produced the planets, and Blopping the heavens. Smingla made the smilans to inhabit Supirion VI. Bugers The Bugers were a race of mutant Smilans. Long irradiated on the puce side of Prizion, their bodies could scarcely maintain cohesion. In the atrophy of their bodies, they focused on the building up of their minds. Eventually, they began to construct marvelous devices to make easier the lives of the smileys and egs on Prizion in exchange for materials. They constructed buildings and vehicles and many other things besides, though this was not the object of their endeavors, for their sole object in learning was to learn more. Eventually they sought to penetrate the secrets of the skies and, to this end, they built marvelous flying machines. Finally, they were able to construct a machine that could escape the atmosphere of their world and instructed that it should be manned with a crew of the most skilled and learned from among the lesser beings, as their motility would make them more capable. The first flight was a fiasco and fell back to the ground in flames, as did the next three. Finally, a ship made it out into orbit, but to no less tragedy, as it was heard from not again until thousands of years later when, after the skies had been conquered, the ship and its dead crew were come upon by a passing frigate. Many more crews met with a fate little better for many successive attempts until finally, the ship Bugerania XXLIII returned, its inhabitants violently ill. All but one of them died later, and that one lived a short life, wandering mad and malnourished until a great rock fell on him very slowly. Eventually, though, perseverance and ambition prevailed and the skies were mastered, thousands of years before the humans. The bugers had already mapped and studied the skies and sited what would be called Superion as their destination. Of necessity, they shared the secrets of their knowledge with those they would have as subjects and, with their assistance, they embarked on a mass exodus from Prizion *. Very shortly, by the great leaps in Smilan technology, Superion was very soon habitated, cultivated, and subjugated. In the new paradise, the smileys found that they no longer needed the shepherding of the bugers and conflicts soon arose. The smileys had begun to repossess the faculties they had lost in their fall anyway, and by craft and cunning device, slowly diminished the status of the bugers. They cut off many of their supplies and replanted the bugers in the ground, where they could be found and put to use as needed. Now the egs, long regarded as the least sophisticated of the three races, were turned to for aid from the bugers. As the smileys expanded their growing empire and asserted their control ever more, the bugers, in collusion with the egs, planned a second great migration to still another nearby world, a moon of superion. One day, when the smileys were celebrating Saumilra, the fugitives took to the sky, the distant trails of their rocket as it streaked the sky, long unnoticed amid the smoke of fireworks, and Evlion was found in several days’ time. The smileys broke up in confusion when something was found amiss, but the bugers were nearly landing at their new home before it was discovered that their former home in the north was empty of its inhabitants, and also mostly on fire. By now, the radiation and mutation, compounded with prideful anger and betrayal, had darkened the thoughts and disposition of the fled bugers and their new machinations reflected this. They began to poison the simple minds of the egs, leading them to believe that the bugers were their subjects and were striving to help them reassert themselves over the smileys, and that this was not only the best interest of, but also the will of, the egs. Meanwhile, back on Superion, the smileys had begun to divide into a social strata. Their were 17 houses of smileys, which were of Smiles, Somlom, Spiley, Milo, Ilem, Sponley, Amiley, Straul, Strane, Elim, Sawril, Simlee, Astrey, Sannel, Smonlau, Sainmile, and Staulmee. These families found their way into individual units, called smounts. Soon, with expansion and commerce bringing the Smounts into frequent contact and, inevitably, conflict, a larger governing body was needed to maintain order. A series of small armed conflicts occurred, between the Somlom and the Sainmile at Smork Creek, where one of former and two of the latter were killed or maimed, one between the Astrey and the Staulmee at Smuffee Gap which saw thirty-three smileys killed, and a third, the worst, where the Sainmile, the Spiley, the Sponly, the Sawril, and the Sannel all met at Smirginne field, where five-hundred and forty-two smileys lost their lives. Finally, Sancenne Ilem summoned the heads of each of the other families to a summit at Aurmille on Smaurille Ridge. Only Sanlin Amiley, Stirgest, Sainmile, and Aley Strane declined to come. Here, after fourteen years’ delibertation, during which twenty-two other engagements transpired and one-thousand, one-hundred and twelve other smileys were killed, the Pact of Aurmille was made and a kingship was established over all of the settled lands. Each family would rule for a term of three-hundred Superion years before reign would pass to the next house. This system worked for three-hundred years, at which time, the ruling Elim family refused to relinquish power. A civil war ensued wherein all houses except those of the Amily, Sainmile, Strane, and Elim, were set against the house of Elim, and everyone who could be proven to be of the Elim was slaughtered. Over the course of the four-hundred and ninety-one years the smileys had inhabited superion, the house of Strane had increased in size, land, and friendship with the bugers still remaining on Superion, therefore in technology as well, at a much more rapid rate than any of the other houses. Adopting the code of Aurmille except for the parts that would have excluded them from rule, the Strane declared themselves the ruling house, and Olee Strane king of all Smiledom. This declaration being made even as the last of the Elim were murdered, none protested it openly. The smiley unification ultimately proved fortuitous, as in the year four-hundred and ninety-three, when the egs brought their first assault against the smileys from space. While the egs came in numbers, though, they had expended most of their resources in transit, having traveled through space in the wrong direction for two years. The result of this was their expedient dispatchment by the smileys who had the advantage of numbers, resources, geography, and Molotov cocktails, which a Superion buger had invented that year (he the buger named them, though, Blourg blombs). Now the smileys were aware of the hostility of the egs towards them and immediately decided that the most expedient course of action would be to blow up evlion with a really big bomb. They immediately sought the aid of their consorts, the now steadily repopulating bugers for the task, but the bugers still found their allegiance largely with their departed brethren and their puppets, the egs. Feigning to assist the smileys, who would not be dissuaded from their task, the bugers constructed an enormous rocket to launch at the moon, evlion. Telling the smileys that frozen waffles were extraordinarily volatile combustibles, they had the rocket filled with these and set it on a trajectory for the eg capital of Eeerrgkkax, which was met with great rejoicing and, for a great time, the egs were appeased and could not, by any device of the bugers, be turned in mind against the smileys, who knew no different than that the whole race had been extinguished, even if they were disappointed with the obvious absence of a spectacular explosion visible worlds away. VII. The Wild Frontier Even while the railroad of beaurocracy was mowing down the fluffy bunny of good governance, the boundaries of the settled territories were being expanded. The bugers had no interest in this, and so progress was slow. Often what was called exploration was a smiley wandering off into the vast wilderness and eventually finding his was back. When the smileys found superion, there was no other (relatively speaking) intelligent life to be found on the world, but it was not uninhabited. For decades after their coming, and even in the densest of smilan settlements, large monsters would come storming in from the woods, mountains, or sea like a possessed streetsweeper, stomping and devouring smileys on the street, in their homes, and in convenience stores. Slowly, the wildness of the land immediately around the smilan settlements was subdued, but there was a great deal of land beyond this where countless resources remained untapped. **** On the Startinations of Smilean Thoughtings And it happened that in the Western mountains of Smohix around the earth year 1112 BC, during the reign of Silom Strane, Olee I having been assassinated by a duck, that a certain smiley, Sloney, fell down a deep hole, and broke some bones, and was stuck. There was almost no light in the deep hole, and Sloney lived on rainwater and lichen for 27 years and two days precisely, levitating, as he would later report, no witnessed having been present, right out of the hole BC. In the long years of silence and darkness, Sloney conquered his own mind and began preaching a message of peace to the smilans. He was instantly hailed as a god, an assertion he did little to dispell. Soon, smilans came from all across Superion and as far as Prizion to hear Sloney preach about non-punching, and how eating birds was evil, and eating worms was the pinnacle of virtue. He taught that the virtuous smiley always carries a piece of scrap metal tied to his left hand in memory of a piece of metal he saw as stumbled into the pit so long ago, because this was righteous. Though Sloney declared that he was immortal and would oversee the culmination of galactic peace, when someone threw a Molotov cocktail at him, he appeared to burn to death, his flesh melting away until he fell over and never moved again. However, the chief Sloneyan priest declared that Sloney would return again every 100 years to keep the smilans on the right track, and sure enough, Sloney returned, though he looked different, remembered of his past life only what was common knowledge, and took only 39 years to return 1037. He declared at this time that it was good to bring him gifts and had a large Sloneyan temple erected in his likeness, where he lived until he slipped in the temple’s bathtub and lay there unconscious until he drowned in knee-deep bathwater was in 1003 BC. Sloney returned again in exactly 100 years as prophesied, though it did not happen every 100 years, but in 72 years, 134 years, 21 years and twice in one year, 14 years after that 797, 776, and 762, respectively. However, it happened in 789 BC, during the time between the third and fourth Sloney that a schism between Sloneyan priests erupted, and a faction of Sloneyites who were cast out of the Sloneyan temple found another deity somewhere, the antithesis of Sloney, who they determined to be greater than Sloney and who was named Slog-Slug. The book of Slog-Slug declared that metal on one’s wrist was bad, but that one should keep rocks in one’s mouth at all times, and that it was okay to take what was not yours. Meanwhile, after the arrival of Sloneyism on Evlion, it was quickly decided that Sloney was an inferior deity to Ekkssslig, whom it was determined had existed all along, and his doctrine was the opposite of both Sloney’s and Slog-Slugs. In 726 BC, King Molis IV Strane determined that the doctrines of these three great deities should vie for supremacy in a mud-wrestling match, and so it was, and all three doctrines, the one and the other and the other, began wrestling in a pool of mud, and threw a great variety of words at one another, so that the Sloneyan doctrine lost a tooth when struck by “truth” and the Sloggin doctrine had an eye put out by the pointiness of “eternal” as wielded by Ekksssliganism. Ultimately, Slogganism was beaten to death, and Ekksssliganism conceded the day to Sloneyism. However, the fourth Sloney appeared one year later, and the disenfranchised Sloggians, still refused reentry into the Sloneyan faith, found a small froglike-creature they called Mobblif, and as it happens, Mobblif could open its mouth unbelievably wide, and Mobblif ate the fifth Sloney. Though the Mobblif lived only three years itself, Sloneyism never reached the heights of influence it enjoyed pre-Mobblif again. Sloney the sixth emptied the Sloneyan church coffers and fled to Tropion, never to be heard from again. Lines of kings Silom Strane Olee II Strane Molis Strane Molis II Strane Molis III Strane Molis IV Strane (721-697 BC) Molis V Strane (697-600BC) Smolis Strane (600-433BC) Molis VI Strane (433-129BC) Molis VII Strane (136-83BC) Molis VIII Strane (83BC-2AD) VIII. Coming of Christ AD And so it was that during the time of the reign of Molis IX Strane (2AD-51AD) That the Christ came to Superion. He descended from the heavens, and appeared very strangely to the Smileys. He called upon Smilans, stiks, egs, and even bugers to follow him and spoke to them of pretty good things. He was not believed by many Smilans, though, and so traveled to Evlion, where his doctrine was well received. Churches to the God of this Christ were there erected, and peace was had on the world, which made the Smilans so mad! The Christ said he had little time, and so departed again into space, and the Christians, as they came to be called, on Evlion were assailed by an envoy from Superion. Many churches were leveled, but not before the bugers made many inquiries into the manner of their devising and into the doctrine of the now-departed Christ. This was done primarily by the blugers, those bugers which were taken not with outward thinkings, but with not-outward ones, and this doctrine they brought back to Superion, where in places it was now received less not-well. Molis IX Strane Smolis II (51-138AD) And so during the reign of Smolis II came the time of great hats. Siglee Sponley ( Durles Sponley And so during the reign of Durles Sponley came the time of garish socks. Smoil Sponley Summle Sponley The other houses adjourned to their own realms. The house of Milo had fallen; the rebellion toppled Summle Sponley’s reign and did rotten things to his family. The coronated king Solma in absentia and so a holder became king. The new king’s reign would be disastrous, though the Milo were hasty to reestablish themselves. Solma Milo – loved unduly his favorite small stone oven. The king loved his queen very much, but he was also a weak sman. Molis X Milo Smerle Sponley IX. Interspace Conquered A. STAN’s great-grandfather incites peoples to interstellar travel B. Smileys kill scientists, steal technology for interstellar travel at behest of stiks of prizion, who become privy to STANislav’s designs and come to warn men of his coming. Smock and Smalra Amiley Smerle II Sponley of the cornucopious smats Giley Sponley Giles Sponley Serlmas Sponley Skrivglams Staulmee Sruiklak Staulmee of the enormously distended panniculus Skring Staulmee After King Sruiklak, in the year 1050, after a short and unpopular reign, rolled down from his thrown and continued gaining momentum after he made the palace stairwell until he burst through the side of the tallest parapet and landed in a nearby retention pond drowning due to the fact that his lower half was so much more buoyant than his top, holding his face underwater, he was succeeded, to the irritation of the college of Esmegals, by his oldest living son, Skring. King Skring came to be known as the Sad King, and when it became apparent that his reign would be a very long one, he became known as the Sad King of the Long Reign. He became sad very early in life, and did not cease in being sad, except for brief hiatuses, for the rest of his life. He early became very attached to an older sister, Alskrin, who would make toys for him from old jewels that his mother was throwing out. He saw little of his parents, and so thought little of them until his father ascended the throne when he was in his thirty-second year, at which time, reports of the early disfavor with of King Sruiklak with his subjects Suirklax Staulmee Molis XI Strane Schrileihm Eilegm Now, in the time leading up to the reign of Schrileihm Eilegm, there had been a flourishing of culture in Smixion, whether in the realm of music, where percussive jelly composiisitions came to be in vogue, or in architecture, where grace and beauty were typified by increasingly precarious structures which often crumbled with disastrous results. In no field of artistic endeavor was there a greater or less lethal flourishing, however, than in that of writing. Court writers wrote many correspondences, books of poetry, plays*, and histories. A writer's ouevre continued to become more formulaic with time, though, and became perfectly crystallized after the career of Snawl. Snawl, King Schrileihm's nephew, was immediately recognized as the writer of the most prodigious talent of his whole generation, which set him in diametric contrast to Snorri Smergflax. After Snawl completed 64 poems, 18 plays, and two histories, the latter of which covered the entire scope of smilan history, he retired, having sentenced that no writing worth writing had yet to be written, either by himself, or any other smilan at any point in the future, so was the completeness of his authorial magnificence. Nonetheless, other writers did continue writing prolifically in the years and generations that followed. So determined were subsequent writers to emulate his mastery of words that each of them chose themselves to write precisely 64 poems, 18 plays, and only one history (of the entire smilan race). A less masterful author than Snawl would have been misguided in setting such rigid parameters to the breadth of a writer's body of work, but Snawl had amassed such a fortune from the print of his works that his heirs continued to live in idleness down to the time of the economic crash of the time of the house of Eilegm. This was again in contrast to Snorri Smergflax, who persisted in writing beyond reason, and who was so presumptuous as to write more than two hundred poems and not one history of the entire smilan race. After Suirklax Staulmee’s stomach ruptured after a most satisfying meal, prepared by royal chef, Schrileihm Eilegm, none other than Schrileihm Eilegm ascended the Throne of Smixion. It would seem that “Eilegm” was in fact a bastardization of the name “Ilem,” which, in times past, had been one of the three or four most influential Smiley houses. It would also seem that all of King Suirklax Staulmee’s relatives had recently enjoyed meals so delicious, that they had gorged themselves to death. It would seem, further, that the College of Esmegals, whose duty it was to elect a new ruler, should all of the royal house die out, a circumstance which had heretofore never presented itself, was now comprised entirely of members of the Eilegm family. Now, the Eilegms had been active in Supir political life for several generations past following a long retreat to the great northern Smag mountains, where their ancestral home was, and where the Eilegm had lived veritably in their own isolated society for eons. As a result of this isolation, they had come to develop many customs and traditions, and even their own dialect, that was radically different than anything south of the Smag. X. First Smilean World War Those two brothers Schreifmix Eilegm Schrienemeninnen Eilegm of the nose Signing of treaty of Smoylflei Schrixelinnemonigen Eilegm XI. Birth of STAN A. STAN orders construction of teleprompters, one to be propelled into space at as great a rate of speed as conceivable shepherds/greys help the smilans steal it Schrapselloinegmolligex Eilegm Secheillemix Eilegm of the hot brand Molis XII Strane - transmission from earth begin to arrive XII. Second Great Smilan World War - 1953-64 - smilonite deposit found near eg settlement. Smilans and egs send peacekeeping envoys to the scene, but fighting breaks out. Drivitlat destroys Evlion port - 3 Supirion engagements - 8 Evlion engagements (Prizion unreachable) Prizion invades. Jeff/Mecha-Smiles help defeat flints; Baron Blloggkxz leaves for his space station -inner chunk armistice Smox 1963-72 Eeerggkax defeated XIII. Mecha-Smiles, the Wingabros, causeway, speeder and spike, mop-top and me-me Smileric IV Smoginog - ruled 1972-1999 Mecha-Smiles defeates both Monbugara and Nega-Smiles XIV. The Coming of Zilla-Bean, the Third Great Smilan World War and the Great Smilocide Finally, after a great lotness of time elapses, teleprompter B falls to the earth, just as STAN had ordained. It lands with a great force in what is called the Passifike Ocean and the impact drives up much seafloor around it. A little bit of seafloor, anyway. The teleprompter sat amid this sandy atoll which in configuration of land above the water at high tide appeared in the likeness of a mouth and two eyes. The teleprompter, though, had long been in the hands of the smileys. Great grains of sands of erthh and beads of its glass rained upon the surface of Superion causing great alarm among the kingdom of king Smileric IV. The king’s scientific inquiry cabinet, headed by Smergflax Milo sent an investigative team, headed by his second in command and best friend, Asmirlan Smiles. They left on **** and arrived at the source of the glass rain the following afternoon shortly after brunch. In the long years past, the telepromter was an object of death, and all smileys who went through it exploded, because it was in outer space. Now, it was decided to send a sman through the gate, and Asmirlan chose from his team one Mixt Sminmat, who talked too much, and of whom Asmirlan was little fond. To Asmirlan’s chagrin, Sminmat returned several hours later, with rather a nice tan. Incensed, Asmirlan passed through the gate himself with Smal Smiles, his nephew. Asmirlan did not return. He was eaten by a seagull. Smal Smiles returned with samples of the island terrain and air, and with these, the sortie returned to Superion. It was determined that a colony should be established on what was named on sight the Smilin Islands. This was then done. As it happened, the area near the teleprompter’s collision was where a **** egg had been sealed in sedimentary stone for something like 63 million years during a landslide. It was now dehydrated, and irradiated, and, because radiation works exactly like that, it was restored to life from its long dormancy. Found by Professor Smal Smiles, he brought it back to his lab and used the miracle of science to restore it to health, except for the fact that when it hatched, its appendages had atrophied away, and promptly fell off. It did hatch alive, however, and saw before anything else with its squinty, ancient eyes, Professor Smiles, imprinting upon him and calling him father. At precisely the moment the last bit of shell was brushed off of the hatchling, Prof. Sminmat entered, staggered backwards upon sight of such a thing, knocking over some very expensive equipment, and exclaimed to Prof. Smiles that he had discovered a dinosaur in their very own lab, proclaiming it a miracle. He ran out of the building and down to the offices of the Island Smeporter to declare the significance of his discovery, and in their very own laboratory, no less. 1985 - The Wingabros. Plane crashes. Court battle to have Mecha-Smiles released into the wild. 1986 - ZB fights Cycave concave? man 1989 - Mecha-Smiles defeats **** the sea-monster; fights Causeway. 1990 - Mecha-Smiles defeats Flatnote. He escapes to earth where Zilla-Bean kills him. 1993 - Mecha-Smiles defeats **** the air monster with aid from Rodatein and again defeats Nega-Smiles, who kills Lily, resulting in the adoption of her children by Jeff Smork. Zilla-Bean defeats the steaming cheese 1994 - Open clonflict with flints ****? 1995 - Jeff writes his memoirs 1999 - kkkkexxloggk attacks; 2000 - Third Great Smilean War breaks out; elemental monsters return with Nega-Smiles, Mecha-Bbloggkxz and the other suits. Zilla-Bean comes to Supirion King Smoginog assassinated INDEX/GLOSSARY Amiley: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Amiley, Anla “Mop-Top” Amiley, Sanlin Amiley, Smock and Smalra Astrey: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Blim: a deity of blood Bloompslom: the gourd deity Blopping: a deity of rain, wind, and weather Blot: unit of distance Blourg the Buger Bluger: Bonbon: Buger Being; Boogymen: Borladric Sea: Bugerania XXLIII: Causeway: College of Esmegals: Christ, Jesus: Eg E.G., Evil Girl: Eilegm: surname descended from Ilem, one of the first 17 houses of smileys. See also: Ilem. Eilegm, Schrileihm: Eilegm, Schrienemeninnen of the nose: signer of the Treaty of Smoylflei Eilegm, Schrapselloinegmolligex Eilegm, Secheillemix of the hot brand Elim: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Eeerrgkkax - first Evlion capital Ekkssslig: Ekksssliganism Evlion Gigslitlan Great Smiealand Great Smilean War I: Great Smilean War II: Great Smilean War III Greatly terrible and bad Smilocide Hadswitch, Gen. Henlee Ilem: one of the first 17 houses of smileys. See also Eilegm. Ilem, Sancenne Imsnawlon Sea Ismolisian Sea Lalaland Mecha-Smiles Mert: a deity of dirt Milo: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Milo, Solma Milo, Molis X Mobblif Monbugara Okkslim Pact of Aurmille: Rodatein Prizion Sainmile: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Sainmile, Stirgest Sainmile, Defense Minister Schmakblax Sainmile, Snork “Fejj” Sannel: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Saumilra: great smiley festival Sawril: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Simlee: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Simlee, Me-Me Slemp: the deity of water, seas, and wet things Slog-Slug Sloney Sloneyism Sloneyan Schism Smag mountains: Sman: n. male smiley Smaurille Ridge Smergflax Milo - head of Smileric IV's scientific inquiry department Smiblegs: plays re-enacting the feats of their gods Smigging: Smiley pastime Smilean Sea Smileric IV- king at time of teleprompter's landing Smiles: 1. On. N. of the first 17 houses of smileys. 2. N. pl. A curling up of the corners of the mouth, usual indicating pleasure or mirth Smiles, prof. Asmirlan: Smiles, Professor Smal: discoverer and upbringer of Zilla-bean, uncle of Sarah Smiles Smiley, Smilan,Smilean: Smingla: a deity of love and birth Sminmat, Mixt: Asmirlan and Smal Smiles' least favorite coworker Smirginne Field Smirrup Bay Smoginog: later Smilan house Smoginog, Smileric: Smoginog, Smileric II: Smoginog, Smileric III: Smoginog, Smileric IV; Also Smileric I of the Throne of Smixion: Smohix Mountains Smonlau: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Smonxippus, Battle of: 2nd to last battle (?) of 2nd Great Smilean War Smoog: a deity of bones and death Smorgot: Smixian currency Smork Creek Smork, Jeff Smount: early smiley family burroughs on superion Smoylflei, Treaty of: Smuffee Gap Smuirlat: Capital of Smixion from Time of Irritation onwards Snawl, the greatest writer in all of Smilea Somlom: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Spiley: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Sponley: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Sponley, Siglee: Sponley, Durles: see Time of Garish Socks Sponley, Giles: Sponley, Giles II: Sponley, Serlmas Sponley, Smerle: Sponley, Smerle II: Sponley, Smoil: Sponley, Summle STAN: Staulmee: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Staulmee, Sruiklak, of the enormously distended panniculus Staulmee, Skring Staulmee, Suirklax Stik: Strane: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Strane, Alee Strane, Olee: Strane, Olee II: Strane, Molis: Strane, Molis II: Strane, Molis III: Strane, Molis IV: Strane, Molis V: Strane, Molis VI: Strane, Molis VII: Strane, Molis VIII: Strane, Molis IX: Strane, Molis XI: Strane, Molis XII: Strane, Silom: Strane, Smolis Strane, Smolis II: Straul: one of the first 17 houses of smileys Throne of Smixion Time of Garish Socks Time of Great Hats Wingabrothers, the: Wing, Andrew Wing, Ian Wing, James Wing, Justin Zilla-Bean Category:Thing Category:Narrative